“I get it!”
He yelled from inside the car.
“Sometimes it is hard to take the leap.”
As if through the dreary haze of a dream, I remember something
The desert and the canyon.
The hopelessness and the feelings of being lost.
The bitter taste…
“You just gotta let go!”
He flicked his cigarette at me.
“Who are you?” I yell back, my head pounding.
“I am a nobody.
A no one.
Someone undefined as of yet.
The beginning of something new
and that endless possibility of what is to come!”
I shook my head violently.
The signs and the anger drumming in my head were overwhelming.
It all needed to end.
Those horrible images of a pointless life
“That’s who I am.”
“Who are you?”
My eyes widened, flitting from the dark ledge of the unknown
back to the shadowy silhouette of the man with no name.
Sweet existential understanding broke through the clutter of past things.
That’s not who I was anymore.
“I am you.”
I stumbled forward
learning to walk again, gesturing for him to move to the passenger side.
Now was my turn to drive.
He smiled that scary smile.
Scary with all the things that now could be.
I closed the door and he shut his
as he talked of how the possibilities were endless now
life was for me to bend again
through the insight I have gained
The past was merely a springboard
from which to launch
with lessons learned
and tales to tell.
Nothing to define the man to come.
That’s not who I am any longer.
I punched the accelerator.
The piece of shit lurched forward into the darkness.
For a moment we flew
Toward a bright
I close my eyes.
Thinking of the metaphor of the ledge.
“That’s not who I am…
The sun was just breaking when I waked.
Gasping for breath, sitting straight in the uncomfortable car seat.
The little light just beginning was orange, purple and blood red.
It was enough to show me the wide expanse of desert
bathing in the blooming colors, soaking up the first bit of understanding.
I leaned back in the seat letting the heat warm my cold body
resurrecting in a way, allowing me to feel new.
Blinking I reached for my cigarettes,
craving the menthol flavor
to mask the bitter metallic flavor left in my mouth.
After a few drags
I twisted it into the wood paneling
chucked the rest
allowed a deep breath
and a grateful smile
started up the car
and began to drive.
I had many miles to go.
The adventure had just begun anew.
There once was a man, who hated his name,
the history and the definition that came with it.
But that man died-
Leaving behind only a license and a social security number to show he was there.
With those was a note,
written in hastily excited letters:
“That’s not who I am.”