For Tania. (any feedback is encouraged)

She was so perfectly unobtainable. Laughing playfully as she smoked her last cigarette and drank her third beer. Sitting across from her silently trapped in thought he wanted her. Her back arched back in the plastic patio chair, her legs resting on another. His back hunched forward, fourth glass of whiskey clutched in his fingers. All he could do was feign pleasure for the cheap words they shared. He wanted to just talk to her with all of the honesty that was built up within him but he was afraid. Not of rejection for that he felt before but of the feelings he had for her. She was always smiling and he loved that. It wasn’t something he was used to. She had another drink and they shared another hour in the sun. Every time he made her smile the sun seemed to hit him just a little bit more. It would certainly burn his pale complexion but seem to only brighten hers. Her words filled most of the conversation which helped him avoid doing so, more than that though he loved to listen to her. It was the feathery manner she spoke in her accent that got him. All he could think of was silencing her lips with his but he could not bring himself to do so and he knew she wouldn’t let him. Five hours before they were playfully walking in the sun with her arm around his and he loved it. For an hour he pretended to himself that she loved him. He thought that he would give anything for his imagination to come true. There was a pause in between the songs that played and in that brief moment there was silence. He looked at her and she at him and the two smiled. He smiled because she was beside him and she smiled because it was her nature. The next song began to play and it seemed to spark another topic of conversation in her. She continued to talk as he enjoyed listening. There was so much he wanted to say but he bit his tongue and continued to smile. Smoldering butts of their cigarettes in the ash tray cast their smoke in between them. It was not the only thing that separated them. The sun faded away and they were left with only lingering embers and the light above them. She reached across the table for another beer and as he reached for his lighter their two hands met. What a painful joy he felt in that moment one in which she could not understand. All he wanted was for her to understand and for her to care but that just could not be. He knew his dreams would not come true and yet he could not help the feelings he had for her. A voice from the other room called out to them and their moment was broken. She of course did not realize the significance of the time they shared while he treasured it. As she playfully finished her drink and joined the party inside he just stayed. Left alone on the patio he memorized the event. For a little while after she left he was still situated upon his plastic chair and thought about her. He was left alone to his thought of which were only about her. He finished his drink and went inside. Feigned  a smile and enjoyed being by her side. 



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8 responses to “For Tania. (any feedback is encouraged)

  1. Why doesn’t he just say how he feels? Maybe she is waiting for him to take the first step? Who knows… like the room left for the imagination; I could imagine the walk, the voices drifting in and out as he sits on the patio lost in his special though. #Write on! :)

    • kalixsinclair

      Well its actually a personal true story. The point of this story is to tell her how I feel and though I know the response I still feel I have to tell her. I plan on giving this story to her the day before she leaves.

  2. I liked this :) were you deliberately trying to make a point with the short, almost staccato sentences? Great continuity of style throughout the piece – was really easy to fall into and engage with.

  3. feels like a version of me and …

  4. The situation is nice and intriguing, but to me could be told in a different way. Is it a short story or an excerpt from a book? It’s too much told and not shown. A bit of dialogue or monologue could make the piece lighter!
    But this is just my opinion according to my taste….

  5. Pingback: The Very Inspiring Blogger Award Nomination! | unkilleddarlings

  6. Even though totally out of context, it could be a part something much bigger with history or reasons…like why he knows she doesn’t love him..or why she can’t suspect he loves her. So much of relationship is in our minds and the unspoken word. Maybe she loves but it hasn’t hit her yet and he just has to provide the epiphany!! Enjoyed the writing and the emotion.

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