At the cemetery picking out a eulogy for you
I should really let you sleep
but I’m so unsure of so many things.
Now, first house I roll up to
I tell them to get out.
I needed a reality, realer then theirs.
I settle down and abuse my lungs
smoking everything in sight
with every girl I’ve ever loved.
With what looks I have left I’ll put away a few
because everyman needs a companion,
someone to console him like you did for me.
These lonesome daughters console my empty soul
where no written word or ballad could ever appease.
So I allow myself to occupy the court but not my Queen.
Though, all I can do is long for your arms around me.
My heart lays heavy
as I know I’ll never make it to the other side.
Looking up I watch you change in the mirror,
but then all the lonesome daughters appear there.
Each of their hearts beating in a sequent dress.
I got hung up on this anti-religion even though I know it’s a waste.
One day I’m gonna take my life back
and put my past in a trunk.
For now I’ll enjoy this cathedral made of sweat, booze, nudeness, and smoke.
I’m no doctor but there is something about the way whips are held
that helps me feel good again.
Looking up, I see you standing in the doorway,
and none of the lonesome daughters appear.
Could you really be there?
You say quietly with so much menace, “Turn that awful mouth breathing down.
It harbors the man’s inevitable death wish!
Run girls, run.”
There’s something about the way she empties a few clips.
How you point that thing at me.
What choice do I have now?
You put me in the trunk of the van
and take me to the old wear house
whispering to me not to worry, “I’m going to kill you.”
You take me out, throw me in a chair, strap me in so tight,
I whip it out
Screaming that I was in love with this woman again.
You say, “I don’t care for you but I’ll leave behind something that won’t decompose.”
I scream how I remember now that I loved you again
but you have a way with pointing that thing at me.
I’ll never make it to the other side.
I have no faith except for in the way you know how to empty a few clips
and where my body will lead me.
Even with blackness drifting in like night
I’m still so unsure of so many things
but my organ’s are screaming “slow down, man!”